


unfixable

by chrkrose



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode Fix-it: s08e04 The Last of the Starks, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24034315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrkrose/pseuds/chrkrose
Summary: He’s backAnd still, she mourns.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 7
Kudos: 187





	unfixable

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this almost an year ago as a way of dealing with D&D mess. Probably the only fic I’ll ever write set into the show universe only or fixing their bullshit. 
> 
> Btw I’ll never accept their ending on the show as canon. Never.

  
He comes back moments later.   
  


It takes her by surprise, her sobs blocking any other sound that could have reached her ears until he's right there in front of her again, dismounting his horse, arms wrapping around her.

She doesn't push him away, doesn't lean on him either. Can't stop the tears, cant stop the shaking from wrecking her body, her sobs still bursting free. 

He's back. 

And still, she mourns. 

  
  


* * *

It's some time later when they are back inside her chambers. Brienne's skin is cold as ice, as cold as the army of the dead that marched over Winterfell not long ago.   
  


Jaime puts more wood in their fire, and the thought comes unbidden. 

_It's very diligent, very responsible._

In her mind, his voice is teasing, a hint of promises he would whisper on the skin of her neck in the nights to come.   
  


He comes back to where she is, sitting on the bed with furs wrapped around her, and he kneels in front of her. Drops his head on her lap, grabs her cold hand where it rests beside her leg. 

_“I don't... After everything I have done, I...”_ Jaime's voice breaks. He looks up.   
  


She doesn't know what he sees. Doesn't know what he means. Can't understand what he's trying to explain. She feels herself slipping away. Going somewhere else. She looks at him, but she doesn't see him.   
  


He gets up and sits down beside her, wrapping his arms around her again, laying down with her while she remains silent. There are no tears anymore. No sobs. Just the sound of his breathing next to her ear, but she doesn't feel it really.   
  


_“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Brienne...”_

He kisses her face. All over. Chin, cheeks, eyelids. But she doesn't feel it because she's not here.   
  


She's still out there. Watching him leave, watching him die, watching him choose death over a life with her.   
  
  


* * *

  
At some point they fell asleep, and when she wakes up the next morning, he's still wrapped around her.  
  


Golden hand still buckled in place, his clothes still on.   
  


When she wakes up, she's back. She knows because the pain is unbearable. Looking at him so close, alive, breathing, sleeping next to her. It feels like a knife twisting inside of her chest. Every part of his body touching her hurts.   
  


She manages to get up without waking him up, putting her clothes back on as quickly as possible, leaving her chambers and stepping outside, and it's only then that she feels like she can breath.   
  


* * *

  
When Jaime finds her, she's training with Podrick. He waits, watching them, and she imagines he's a ghost. That he's not really there.  
  


That he never turned around, and now he haunts her every thought.   
  


The reality makes itself present when she's done with Podrick and he walks by Jaime while leaving, nodding to him and receiving the same gesture in return.   
  


That's when he approaches her. 

_“May I have a word, Ser?“  
  
_

She nods, but the truth is that she doesn't have anything to say. Doesn't know what to tell him. They walk in silence, side by side, until they are outside the walls, looking at the field and the white carpet that covers every inch in the north.   
  


_“Every crime... everything Cersei will be punished for, somehow... I enabled her. I chose, over and over again, to stand beside her and be loyal to her. I knew exactly who she was and I chose her anyway. ”  
  
_

He stops after that, and she wonders if he's somehow asking her permission. To go. To die.

She's still at that courtyard.   
  


But there's something about what he said then... something about what he says now...

  
_“When she promised to send the army North... to help us. When she accepted the truce. Did you believe her?”_

There's no hesitation in his answer. 

  
_  
“Yes. I thought... I thought she meant it.”_

  
  
_“I did too. Lady Sansa didn't. Perhaps she knows your sister better than you do, Ser Jaime.”_   
  


He flinches. She can see it from the corner of her eye. If it's because of the way she calls him, if it's because of what she says, she doesn't know.

But then it's out of her, like poison. In her mind she's holding his face in a courtyard in the middle of the night, hurting him with the truth because if she can't save him, he's going to die with the knowledge that he had another choice and didn't take it. 

  
_“You killed your king, broke your oath, carried with you the blame and the guilt for the innocent people who called you kingslayer behind your back. You lost your sword hand because you couldn't stand seeing a woman being raped right next to you. You jumped on a bear pit to save a woman you barely knew. You gave me a sword so I could fulfill an oath that went against what your sister wanted. You could have killed every man and woman and child in Riverrun but you chose not to. You pushed a boy out of a window and crippled him for life only to come back and be ready to die defending his home and his family.”  
  
_

_“Brienne ...”_

_“If you want to die, I can't stop you. I haven't yesterday. And I won't stop you now. But choose knowing it doesn't change who you are. Choose knowing you're dying in vain. And live with that knowledge until your last breath, Ser Jaime.”_

She turns and walks away then, back inside the walls.   
  


In her mind, she leaves the courtyard.   
  


* * *

It's late when he comes back to her chambers. She has her back turned to him, laying on her side because maybe it's easier like this, if she doesn't have to see.   
  


Brienne waits for the door to open again, for him to leave. But the door remains shut.   
  


She feels his weight behind her, laying down on their bed. Familiar. She can feel the tears coming. His arm comes around her, wrapping around her waist, breath tickling the hair on the nape of her hair.

  
_“I love you. I love you. I love you._ ” He whispers on the skin of her neck.

  
She wonders if what he feels, his love for her... if it's enough to save him. 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck you D&D.


End file.
